Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody - Page 45 - Stripers247.com Forums
 
Striped Bass Fishing Site Map | Contact Us | Fishing Log Software | Fishing Online | Advertise
to UPLOAD: please register or login

Go Back   Stripers247.com Forums > Around The Woodstove > The Lounge
Forgot Password? Register Now!!

The Lounge Off-topic discussion here. Non-fishing related chit chat & banter. No Divisive subject matter - No Viscious Political and Religious debates please.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #661  
Old 09-29-2011, 11:51 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #662  
Old 10-09-2011, 06:36 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A man call 911 and says " I think my wife is dead". The operator says, " How do you know?" He says, " The sex is about the same , but the ironing is piling up!"
Reply With Quote
  #663  
Old 10-11-2011, 05:16 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A Red Cross just knocked on my front door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #664  
Old 10-14-2011, 03:34 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Sorry for not calling you on New Years. I just got out of jail for punching the crap out of some idiot at a party. In my defense........when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
Reply With Quote
  #665  
Old 10-17-2011, 01:07 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

My wife is pissed off at me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper. No sense of humor.......
Reply With Quote
  #666  
Old 10-19-2011, 05:59 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor muslim orphans. I said, " screw that , knowing my luck I'd win one!"
Reply With Quote
  #667  
Old 10-22-2011, 11:45 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, " I can't believe they did my wife after only 5 cans!"
Reply With Quote
  #668  
Old 10-25-2011, 09:18 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
Reply With Quote
  #669  
Old 10-27-2011, 07:05 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

In an old wharf watering hole the kid asked an old pirate how he got his peg leg. The pirate answered " I was knocked overboard and a shark bit me leg off."

Then he asked about the hook the pirate had for a right hand. The pirate answered " We boarded a ship and I lost it to an enemy's cutlass."

Finally, he asked about the eye patch, and how he lost his eye. The pirate answers " It got hit with seagull crap." When the kid asked how this was possible, the pirate answered, " Well, y'see.....it was me first day with the hook."
Reply With Quote
  #670  
Old 11-01-2011, 02:40 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I'd come into money. Last night I slept with a girl named Penny..........spooky or what?
Reply With Quote
  #671  
Old 11-07-2011, 01:04 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I failed my Health & Safety test at work the other day. One of the questions was " If a fire broke out on the floor where you work, what steps would you take?" Apparently " Big Friggin' Ones " was not the answer they were looking for.
Reply With Quote
  #672  
Old 11-15-2011, 03:48 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A hooded robber burst into a bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to speak.

Then, one old man slowly raised his hand and said………"My wife got a pretty good look at you."
Reply With Quote
  #673  
Old 12-10-2011, 06:35 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Jewish Christmas .............. .





The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?
Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.
"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"
Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...And begin to sing: "What A Friend We Have in Jesus". Then we all go to the Bahamas ."

=
Reply With Quote
  #674  
Old 12-30-2011, 10:49 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A Guy walks into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.

We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward to say, but you will also, as part of your job assignment, have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her
mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy is just plain wide-eyed, , "You're bullshittin' me!"



The social worker says, "Yeah, well ... You started it."
Reply With Quote
  #675  
Old 01-02-2012, 06:56 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I was devastated to find out my wife was having and affair but, by turning to religion, I was able to come to terms with it. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
day, insult, joke

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Valentine's Day Facts: Striperjim The Lounge 3 02-13-2009 10:41 AM
joke of the day mikeyred The Lounge 1 03-16-2007 08:23 PM
Fishing Music Library ! TonyDB The Lounge 28 10-16-2006 06:09 AM
Now, a Day at the Beach Can Mean a Day in Court CaptainMorgan! The Lounge 0 09-04-2005 02:19 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:40 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright © 2004 - 2013 Stripers247.com LLC
Affiliated Sites:   Noreast.com   Allcoast.com    2coolfishing.com