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  #496  
Old 11-07-2008, 10:39 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Q:What do JFK and Obama have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.
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  #497  
Old 11-08-2008, 08:19 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

do something about that particular part of the sentence IE: adjust the word or delete it but there is a line we cross when we use that N word. i for one don't care for it and as it is a free country and all i cannot complain about it but just bear in mind there are people of color here on this site;



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  #498  
Old 11-09-2008, 07:20 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I'm no fan of Obama either, not in the least, but give the racist crap a rest.
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  #499  
Old 11-11-2008, 02:53 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Quote:
there is a line we cross when we use that N word. i for one don't care for it and as it is a free country and all i cannot complain about it but just bear in mind there are people of color here on this site
You cracker. LOL

Ok heres a tame Obama joke.

What was the most vile and disgusting thing they found in Obamas Suit?
Obama.

I hear his first edict as president is to replace the statue of Liberty with an Aunt Jemimah statue flanked by buckets of chicken wings.


Please delete if over the top.
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  #500  
Old 11-12-2008, 05:59 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle
and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite
my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can
bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand, with
Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a
major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa
told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'
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  #501  
Old 11-22-2008, 12:58 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting: "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch .."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.

Sorry If you think I went over then edge on the Jokes. But The title for this Thread is A Joke to insult Just about everybody. I'll Keep The Jokes to a Rated PG. BTW Im not rasict THERE JUST JOKES.
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  #502  
Old 11-25-2008, 06:19 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A "Newfie" is a Newfoundlander.

Three women... 1 German, 1 Japanese, and 1 a Newfie were sitting naked in a jacuzzi.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German lady pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly.

That was my pager, she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later a phone rang . The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.

The Newfie woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.

She stepped out of the jacuzzi and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging out from her behind.


The others raised their eyebrows and just stared at her.

The Newfie woman finally said,

LORD THUNDERIN JEEZUZ,
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, I'M GETTING A
FAX!!!!!
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  #503  
Old 12-05-2008, 11:40 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


She quietly called him over to him
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she direct
'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slow
'Now take off my stockings.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
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  #504  
Old 12-05-2008, 01:05 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I dont know if anyone reads these but I do & LMAO all the time.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

'He's a funeral director,' she answered.

'Interesting,' the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'
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  #505  
Old 12-10-2008, 12:13 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Point View Post
I dont know if anyone reads these but I do & LMAO all the time.
'
I definitely read em the one about the hypnotist is a classic. What a visual that gives you
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  #506  
Old 12-10-2008, 12:17 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I read 'em every night too, keep 'em comin.
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  #507  
Old 12-10-2008, 03:10 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Men and Women - Difference
hile eating out and the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though the bill is only $22.50. None will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back. When girls get the bill out come the calculators.

With money a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 dollar item she doesn't want.

In a bathroom a man has 5 items. A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Holiday Inn. A women has on average 337 items in her bathroom. A man would not be able to identify most of these Items.

In arguments a woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beggining of a new argument.

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking men kick cats.

A women worries about the future until she gets a husband. A husband doesn't worry about the future until he gets a wife.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, and read a book. A man will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.

A succsessful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.
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  #508  
Old 12-10-2008, 03:11 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

The Car Broke Down

priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.

Nun: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.

Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.

Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.

Priest: You're probably right... get up and get your own blanket.
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  #509  
Old 12-10-2008, 08:42 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he 's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.

He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well, his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
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  #510  
Old 12-12-2008, 11:45 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer.

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
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