Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody - Page 16 - Stripers247.com Forums
 
Striped Bass Fishing Site Map | Contact Us | Fishing Log Software | Fishing Online | Advertise
to UPLOAD: please register or login

Go Back   Stripers247.com Forums > Around The Woodstove > The Lounge
Forgot Password? Register Now!!

The Lounge Off-topic discussion here. Non-fishing related chit chat & banter. No Divisive subject matter - No Viscious Political and Religious debates please.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #226  
Old 12-20-2006, 12:58 AM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

FART FOOTBALL
An old married couple had no sooner hit the pillows
when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven points."
His wife rolls over and says " What in the world was
that?" The old man replied, "Its fart football."
A few minuts later his wife lets one go and says,
"Touchdown, tie score."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one
go and says, "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and
says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker
and says, " Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on
the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he
strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it
everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, " What the hell was that?"
The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #227  
Old 12-21-2006, 09:25 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

The Cat

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat
and decided to get rid of him one
day by driving him 20 blocks
from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was
walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat
40 blocks away. He put the beast
out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway,
there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:
"Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"


The cats response.


Reply With Quote
  #228  
Old 01-27-2007, 06:44 PM
Jimmy Z's Avatar
Jimmy Z Jimmy Z is offline
I had a BLAST!
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: I'm from Manhattan, live in Ct, & my heart is in SOCO
Posts: 2,429
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

Want a joke?
__________________
EACH ONE< TEACH ONE
<*((())))>< <*((())))><
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #229  
Old 01-27-2007, 06:45 PM
Jimmy Z's Avatar
Jimmy Z Jimmy Z is offline
I had a BLAST!
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: I'm from Manhattan, live in Ct, & my heart is in SOCO
Posts: 2,429
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

Look in the mirror.
__________________
EACH ONE< TEACH ONE
<*((())))>< <*((())))><
Reply With Quote
  #230  
Old 01-28-2007, 11:52 AM
LittleCasino's Avatar
LittleCasino LittleCasino is offline
ISBA Chief
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Indianapolis,IN
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Joke Of The Day


Weenie Test:



Three third graders from Tennessee (an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Redneck kid) are on the play ground at recess.

The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says.

"Okay." They all agree.

The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.

"That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.

Not to be outdone, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far not only the biggest, but the fattest.

That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called "Let's see who has the largest weenie."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.

"Well, me, Anthony and Pat rick each pulled out our weenies and I had the biggest! The other kids say it's because
I'm a Redneck. Is that true, Mom?"

Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-one!!
__________________
Indiana Striped Bass Association




"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country" George S. Patton






Reply With Quote
  #231  
Old 02-01-2007, 04:57 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day


A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Bear's game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the ma n. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Bears game, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Bears game we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or eve n a neighbor to take the seat?"


The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

Go Bears!!!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #232  
Old 02-06-2007, 09:31 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

A priest and a rabbi are sitting together on a plane. The priest asks "Do you still abstain from eating pork?" " Yes " says the rabbi, " that's still one of our beliefs". " Have you ever eaten pork?" asks the priest. " Once, I teetered on my faith and had a ham sandwich" answers the rabbi. "So, do you still believe in celibacy?" asks the rabbi. "Yes, that's still one of our beliefs" answers the priest. " And have you ever?" asks the rabbi. " Once ", says the priest, " I faltered on my faith and sucumbed ". The rabbi thinks quietly for a few moments and then says " Beats the crap out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?.
Reply With Quote
  #233  
Old 02-06-2007, 11:23 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

NEVER CHOKE IN A RESTAURANT IN THE SOUTH!!!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and beans, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly w alks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of dat dere 'Hind Lick Maneuver',
but I ain't never seed nobody do it."
Reply With Quote
  #234  
Old 02-07-2007, 07:36 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

Two Pollacks are out hunting when they realize they're lost. So they look in the handbook for advice. " It says here, stay put...fire three shots in the air in rapid succession and someone will come" says Stash. So Yosh puts three in the air and they wait. After a bit, no one comes, and Stash says " put three more in the air." Now after a considerable amount of time, Stash says " Somebody better come soon, it's getting late" " I hope so" says Yosh, "cause I'm runnin outta arrows, too"
Reply With Quote
  #235  
Old 02-08-2007, 07:11 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

A lady, realizing her dog cant hear, takes him to the vet. After cleaning the hair from inside the dog's ears, he advises the owner to get some "Nair" from the pharmacy, and rub it in the dog's ears once a month to keep the problem from recurring. When she brings the " nair" to the register, the druggist tells her " If you're using this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." She says " I'm not using it under my arms." So he says " If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a few days." " I'm not using on my legs either" she says, " if you must know, I'm using on my Schnauzer." He replies "Then stay off your bicycle for a week."
Reply With Quote
  #236  
Old 02-10-2007, 01:57 AM
LittleCasino's Avatar
LittleCasino LittleCasino is offline
ISBA Chief
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Indianapolis,IN
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed): "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
The Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
The reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
The Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

__________________
Indiana Striped Bass Association




"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country" George S. Patton






Reply With Quote
  #237  
Old 02-10-2007, 07:13 AM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

Tickle Me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for
her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing
up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2
men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me
Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile
up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me
Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps
it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package
between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I
think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
Attached Images
 
Reply With Quote
  #238  
Old 02-10-2007, 03:43 PM
OSSCA OSSCA is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 112
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?" He asked "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face.............. PRICELESS
For everything else, there's MasterCard
Reply With Quote
  #239  
Old 02-10-2007, 04:28 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

Top 10 points to ponder for 2007


Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted..

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now The world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
Reply With Quote
  #240  
Old 02-13-2007, 10:28 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day

Personal Ads From The Dublin News.

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known to start fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
-------------------------------
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancie, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
------------------------
Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shitie after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
-------- ------------------
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.
--------------------------
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
--------------------------
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed super model, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
day, insult, joke

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Valentine's Day Facts: Striperjim The Lounge 3 02-13-2009 10:41 AM
joke of the day mikeyred The Lounge 1 03-16-2007 08:23 PM
Fishing Music Library ! TonyDB The Lounge 28 10-16-2006 06:09 AM
Now, a Day at the Beach Can Mean a Day in Court CaptainMorgan! The Lounge 0 09-04-2005 02:19 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:43 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2013 Stripers247.com LLC
Affiliated Sites:   Noreast.com   Allcoast.com    2coolfishing.com