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  #1  
Old 09-03-2005, 11:28 PM
stripercrazy stripercrazy is offline
 
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Default I'm new here, here's a joke

Subject: The Arab


An Arab-American family was considering putting their grandfather in a
nursing home. All the Muslim facilities were completely full, so they
ended up putting him in a Jewish home.

After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they come to visit grandpa.


"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson


"It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says
grandpa.


"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place
for you."


"Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here,"
grandpa says with a big smile.

"There's a musician here -- he's 85-years old. He hasn't played the
violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!

And there's a physician here -- 90 years old. He hasn't been
practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him
'Doctor'!

And me, I haven't had sex for 30 years and they still call me "the
****************ing Arab!"
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  #2  
Old 09-03-2005, 11:30 PM
merrillizer's Avatar
merrillizer merrillizer is offline
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lol Hadnt heard that one yet!

Welcome to the board



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  #3  
Old 09-03-2005, 11:38 PM
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Striperjim Striperjim is offline
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Ha Ha. Welcome to the site stripercrazy. I heard a similar one where two arabs were considering coming to america. So one says Mohammed let me take my family first and I will write to you and let you know what its like in America. Ok says Mohammed.
Mohammed waits for a year for his letters but none come, so he hops on a plane to the US tracks down Akmed, finds hes living in Oklahoma with Sudha and the children. He asks sudha how is Akmed and she says he works for grumman, the kids play baseball and basketball, little sudha is a chearleader, Akmed loves it here and hes changed his name to Eric. The doorbell rings and akmed walks in. How are you Akmed my brother says Mohammed?
Akmed looks at Sudha and says wtf is that sandnigga doing in my house?
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  #4  
Old 09-04-2005, 03:16 PM
stripercrazy stripercrazy is offline
 
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excellent, this site looks great
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  #5  
Old 09-10-2005, 06:33 PM
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Default Another joke

New UCLA Study
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged; masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
Further studies are expected.
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  #6  
Old 09-10-2005, 07:52 PM
saltstrikerkid16 saltstrikerkid16 is offline
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Default Re: Another joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reports
New UCLA Study
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged; masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.
Further studies are expected.
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  #7  
Old 09-12-2005, 09:58 AM
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absolutahnie absolutahnie is offline
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we're not ALL like that, y'know...
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  #8  
Old 09-13-2005, 03:23 AM
1337 h4xx0r 1337 h4xx0r is offline
 
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1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand."

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rainforest.

16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days' worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea of how she'll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible." Hmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?"

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

J/K
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  #9  
Old 09-13-2005, 10:19 AM
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absolutahnie absolutahnie is offline
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like i said....we're not ALL like that!! (it was funny, all the same!)
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  #10  
Old 09-14-2005, 09:39 PM
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Striperjim Striperjim is offline
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A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.
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  #11  
Old 09-14-2005, 09:41 PM
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A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where the hell was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
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  #12  
Old 09-15-2005, 01:49 AM
1337 h4xx0r 1337 h4xx0r is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by striperjim
"But where the hell was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
funnyshit.gif


No hard feelings absolutahnie, we love ya. :)
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  #13  
Old 09-15-2005, 10:09 AM
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absolutahnie absolutahnie is offline
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!!!
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