WASHINGTON, DC - Santa Claus has requested a $14 Billion federal bailout to avoid a crash which could cancel Christmas.
Some representative lawmakers are highly critical of the request.
Jim Phelps (D. Ma.) said, “Their business model brings in no income, they just give everything away. I’m amazed they got this far.”
Mr. Claus spoke before Congress delivering an impassioned plea on behalf of the threatened holiday, asking for a $14 Billion loan to keep the North Pole afloat through the rest of the season. He closed by saying “I will pay it back just as quick as I can, cross my heart and hope to diet”, leading the thoroughly charmed Congress in a brief chuckle.
When asked if he would be using confidential information from his “Naughty List” to sway his opponents, Mr. Claus said “Right now all options are on the table.” Senator Paulie L. from N.Y. visibly uncomfortable, squirmed in his seat.