September 28 2005
Only in America... It seems that this guy had been experimenting with an unusual method of seeking autoerotic gratification - namely, by inserting a live fish into his butt. What he hadn't counted on was the fish's scales acting, in effect, like one of those sets of driveway spikes that allow you to drive over them one way but puncture your tyres if you try to go the other way. In his pain and panic, he dialed 911. The EMT arrived, surveyed the situation, and said, "Son, you gotta learn to chew your food better."
How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean.
Arthur C. Clarke