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Old 05-06-2006, 11:39 PM
David Napierkowski David Napierkowski is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 39
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Jim --

The following is my response to those internet heros that terrorisze the chat rooms and message boards. But Nowadays I seldom frequent them.

Begin a paraphrase of a recent post I wrote on the insults and personal attacks on one such board. It's PG rated.....

Recently I was entertained by the flurry of personal attacks and insults peppering the various OT threads some of them directed against moi; generally because they were overused and hackneyed, simplistic and unimaginative such as * Don't Let the door hit you in the ass leaving the room; * responding to a post as being silly simply because it expressed a view at some difference with the poster's etc.

With the thought of generally elevating the quality of attacks and insults I have compiled the following. Please use it freely. It is ony a beginning as the internet is replete with rather creative URLS with insult generators.

BEGIN -

--Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't;
--I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you;
--You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one;
--You have the warm personal charm of a millipede;
--.Your family tree is nothing but a rest stop for dogs;
--If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport;
--The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

-- Just when I think, "Surely this person has reached and encapsulates the limits of Internet tedium" you go and push the boundary even further. Dullard, do yourself and everyone else a favor: disconnect your computer from the Internet.

--Sorry. I don't speak retardese. Can you get someone to translate into meaningful English before you post, please? Rumor has it that you are almost incomprehensible in person (as revealed by your desperate urge to babble nonsensically on message boards.) No doubt, this rumor is true.

--Your post is the world's greatest proof of reincarnation; no one could get that dumb in just one lifetime. Your post is an orgy of stultifying cacophonous verbal depravity; an exercise in literary impotence, and an offense to all of good taste and decency.

--You have that certain nothing. Truly, you are about as interesting as watching a slug move slowly across a large rock. You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you. Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if you weren't so dumb that even blondes tell jokes about you; if your weren't so fat that buildings bounce when you haul your Sumo Wrestler mass down the street, or if you didn't have a face that makes people ask: "Damn, is it Halloween already?" Who am I kidding? You would.

--In closing, why don't you put your glasses on backwards and walk into yourself?

--It sounds like English; it even looks like English, but I can't understand a word you're blabbering. How about putting that into proper syntax, form, and grammar so that I can at least understand what you | are saying before I dismiss it?

--Your message board incompetence is an inspiration to botched lobotomy | patients everywhere. Just as the strength of a solitary brick will not | save a poorly built structure, your bold typeface does not redeem your | craven incoherent words.

--It seems your fingers not only did your typing, but did your thinking too. Have you considered suing your brain for non-support? Clearly, the full area of your ignorance is not yet mapped. We are presently only | exploring the fringes of that vast expanse. Well, you're certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too. As Ellen
Glasgow once remarked: "He knows so little and knows it so fluently."

Then there's some wonderful Shakespearean ones vis - oh I'll let you look them up.

By the way PLONK seems to be the sound of a turd hitting the water in the toilet bowl. Apparently it is the sound and process so cherished by the narrow and closed minded.

I hope some enjoy reading this brief list as much as I did researching it. <grin>
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